Encounters With Strange People

Today at work I walked past this girl that I see ALL THE TIME. But for some reason, we always give each other the awkward lookaway in the halls. This isn’t the case with most other people who work on my floor. I have no problem saying hello to relative strangers or people that seem nice. This is why I couldn’t understand why saying hello to this person became so impossible; she seems perfectly normal.

But then I realized a pattern: the people I felt comfortable acknowledging in the halls were the ones I acknowledged early on in our brief and utterly superficial relationships. Thus, there must exist a cutoff, a certain number of blowoffs, beyond which one can never say hi to a stranger…

But seriously, I think after four or five mutual lookaways, it just becomes weird if you randomly surprise them time with a, “Hey!”

Guidelines To Not Look Like A Douche

Welcome to "Guidelines to Not Look Like a Douche," the first step you can take to help yourself be a better person. If you follow these simple rules, you can minimize your chances of looking like a douche. However, due to many unknown variables in your lives and in your surroundings, merely following these rules may not completely protect you from looking like a douche. My advice is to think before you do something that will make you look like a douche, and then don't do that thing. Just as a disclaimer, these rules pertain primarily to males, as I haven’t the first clue about female fashion.

1. Never shall one wear a collared shirt underneath another collared shirt. Frankly, this is completely unnecessary and makes people want to injure you.
   
   
   
   
   
2. Never shall one pop the collar of his or her collared shirt unless for the purpose of protecting one’s neck from the sun. Under this exception, one must proclaim openly that he or she hates himself or herself for said collar-popping.
3. Never shall one wear two collared shirts with the collars popped. EVER. If you do this, just stop. Look at yourself in the mirror, and just stop.
   
   
   
   
   
4. Never shall one wear or use at any given moment greater than two articles of clothing or accessories with the logo of his or her respective undergraduate university. This includes, but is not limited to: headbands, socks, underwear, ties, cuff links, umbrellas, earrings, flip flops, handbags, sweatshirts, shorts, and foam fingers. Check yourself now! Are you wearing too many?*
   
   
   
   
   
5. Never shall one wear an unbuttoned or minimally buttoned button-down shirt without an undershirt. This is mainly as a courtesy to others who may happen to see you in public.
6. Never shall one wear a flat brimmed hat on top of another flat brimmed hat, especially facing in opposite directions. In fact, let this apply to all hats.

Keep in mind that this list is just a preliminary guideline. I will add more to this list as I see more people who look like douches around town and get more ideas.

*If you find yourself wearing two collared college shirts with the collars popped and a college hat or something, I'm going to pass out.